नियंत्रण

This word has loomed around for a long period of time now. Recently I had a intense meditation session wherein I was completely confused with my identity. I had this weird question in my head “Who am I?”, now mind you not this question has come to me quite a few times but I was never able to materialize how truly simple and important question this is.

Usually the most common for such a question is “I am XYZ” or “I am a human” or “I am a son”. What came to me as a shock was when I answered with my eyes closed that “I am Ayush”, then came to me a big realization all of these stigmas in my head are society made, this name doesn’t belong to me, it was given to me by my parents. My morality and how good of a person I am is completely dependent on how society perceives. Which means I literally have no idea who I truly am, I was dissolved in this illusion and could never look through the curtains. I closed my eyes harder as if that would help me get my answer, the longer I tried to focus my brain would get distracted and a voice would distract me completely.
I am still trying to comprehend what happened that night, but the whole time I thought there were 2 people in me. One was the “thinker” and the other I just called them the “talker”, they would both take turns and mess with me, never letting me get to the conclusion on who exactly was the “true” me. I kept dwelling between those two, but I suddenly realized that there was a hidden observer, which had no thoughts or no voice and was just observing this all through. That has to be the real me.